Well Received

Posted on January 5, 2011


Many times people have asked me how my book goes over with the audience I’m trying to reach.  People wonder what kind of reactions I get and whether people get defensive and such.

You know, that was something I was afraid of when I started my book.  I thought people would nit pick all the stuff I had to say.  I thought that maybe they’d take my generalizations and complain, “not all men are like that” and “what you’re saying isn’t true all of the time.”  And I would have to agree, nothing I have to say applies to everyone or all the time.  I thought people would act like I was trying to proclaim myself the world’s leading expert on the stuff I was talking about.  Yeah, I had some fears when I was getting started.

But you know what?  Feedback’s been good and very encouraging.  Back when I started telling my inappropriate admirers “women don’t like that” and they surprised me with their really constructive feedback, is when I started 2nd guessing my fears.  When I emailed men with my revisions of their Men Seeking Women ads and they thanked me for it, it gave me courage to keep going.

Every now and then I’ll run into someone who’s kind of defensive.  It’s never been a reaction that’s over the top and it’s always been clear to me that the reaction is because of something the other person is struggling with.  I had this radio interview at Burning Man this year and the interviewer was having issues with one of the 7 deadly saboteurs I call “The Interrogator.”  I could empathize with him on this one because his job was to ask me a bunch of questions.  But I pointed out that he was very considerate, letting me say what I had to say and engaging me by giving feed back and insights.  He did an excellent job; he didn’t put me on the hot seat by firing off one question after another, he wasn’t inappropriately personal, he really wasn’t anything but charming.  And I let him know (on the air.)  Yet for some reason he couldn’t let go of “The Interrogator” anxiety.  (Some times we really are our own worst critics.)

Once in a blue moon I’ll get a random little snide quip but surprisingly enough the work I’ve published has started some conversations that I’ve found really illuminating.  And I’ve found out that there are many other people thinking about the same things I was thinking about.

I’m glad I’ve been able to make myself write about this stuff.  Aside from wanting to see everyone happy with the person that’s right for them, I want people to know that it’s good to share what you’re thinking.  Most of us have so much interesting stuff swirling around in our heads but it’s so hard to stop, round it all up and get it down on paper.  Even if you can pull off the big round up, there’s the fear of how it’s going to sound.  I would have so many more blogs than I do now if I wasn’t so critical of how I was articulating my ideas.

But you know what?  This year I’m going to do my best to not care so much about having a highly refined, articulate, grammatically correct style of written communication.  So far it seems that speaking from my heart has been enough to get across what I have to say.  I’m hoping that those around me will be able to share their thoughts as well with out fear of being scrutinized or lambasted.

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