Your thoughts on Charm School For Men

6 Responses “Your thoughts on Charm School For Men” →

  1. Maggie

    July 24, 2010

    You were listed as a source on the BM website. The description said one could buy Playa Clothes on your site. However, I do not see any such animal on your website.

  2. An excellent read however it glosses over the current anti-male sentiment in American society. After 40 years of man bashing and being traduced by Elle and Cosmopolitan, I have the suspicion that many guys actually are more attuned to Chateau Heartiste and Roosh V. This is the natural outcome of radical feminism. It’s educated men to see women as nothing more than a life support system for their sex organs. After all, who wants to keep company with creatures that are so well schooled in the maxims of ridicule. Men want a companion not a competitor. It makes even less sense in the world of marriage 2.0 where you can divorce without a cause and collect cash and prizes.

    So pray tell, how do older men parlay with the Fish/Bicycle feminists of the 70’s? The caricature that men and women want to really bond is a polite if not tedious fiction. A more realistic portrait is one of the clash between two totalitarian governments.

    BTW, don’t dismiss as some mysoginistic hick. I do like women and when I have a girl friend, I sew her dresses for her.

    • I have to say, response to my book is a very interesting one. If this is the way you engage women I can see why you might be angry. You make reference to the feminists of the 60’s, also known as first wave feminists. I think instead of being angry at them, it would be a lot more productive to try to understand where they were coming from.

      First wave feminists had a lot of earth to move and the subtle approach wasn’t going to be effective. I think this quote sheds a light of light on what women have been trying to change; “Margaret Atwood is supposed to have summed up the gender power-differential like this: “Men are afraid women will laugh at them. Women are afraid men will kill them”from this article:

      The women’s movement started with a long hard battle to win the right to vote. The fact that women had to fight so hard for this right says a lot about our society. By the time the feminism of the 60’s came around, women were still being treated like sub-humans. My mother told me her math teacher in high school said, to her face, that she was just taking up space in a class that a boy could be filling. Now, I’m sure if this was common place in your every day experiences you’d be a little put off. Feminists of the 60’s used that anger to create a lot of well needed change in a very short period of time. Although things are much better for women these days we still have quite a way to go. I think the story of the ex-quarter back who was just acquitted of rape is a great example.

      Though the victim said “no” and injuries were sustained to her head, clavicle, chest and genitals among other casualties, the courts determined that the attacker did was not wrong. As you know, this is not uncommon. Unfortunately this is quite the norm. It’s also a well known fact that most rapes go unreported. Just imagine having this as part of your daily reality.
      One of the main reasons I wrote my book is to flip the script on the conversation going on between men and women. I’m sure you’ll agree it’s quite easy (for either gender) to be angry. What’s not easy is to try to understand another’s experience. The article by Doug Murder in the first link I posted addresses the how the changes initiated by the feminism of the 60’s affected men. The difference in the experience for men over one single generation is unparalleled in history. Men had no instructions or role models to borrow from. It’s my opinion that because of such a new frontier in regards to the sexes, there has been a great deal of confusion in relating to each other.
      In my book, I mentioned many many instances in which men behaved in a rude aggressive manner towards me for no apparent reason. I could’ve gotten mad and met their aggression with my own hostility. In order to change this cycle I wrote a book in an attempt to foster understanding and start communication. Instead of saying “young man, why do you behave like a predator” I said “I’m sure you’re trying to find someone you can be happy with, let’s talk about that.” Changing things up like that really changed the scenario each and every single time. Because I tried to understand, I was able to have conversations that I never dreamed were possible.

      So, in turn, please, try to understand why women might be angry. I know it can be difficult if you haven’t had a man trying to impose himself on you or if you’ve never been the man who was imposing. If you come at the situation angry (as you did in your response to me) more often then not, you’re just going to get an equal to greater portion of angry back. I can tell you from my own experience, when I’ve acted with calm, compassion and understanding, the situation has changed. I’m really hoping I can inspire this on a larger scale through my own example. Please understand as well that as a woman, takes a lot of courage, especially when you factor in the weight/size discrepancy between men and women. Also please remember that no one is holding you personally accountable for the atrocities visited upon women. I know it can be a pretty helpless feeling to see terrible things acted out by a group you were made a part of by virtue of your birth. My remedy for this is; be part of the solution. I give several examples of how this can be done in my book.

      I feel like understanding and compassion is going to be what fosters the change we all so desperately crave. I think that men and women are dying to share space on this planet in peace. I think the skill sets we each bring to the table complement each other very well. I also think that so much change has occurred in such a short amount of time, many people don’t quite know what to make of it, and it isn’t making mingling any easier for anyone. So don’t focus on who’s angry. Don’t be angry back at them. Be nice. If you can’t be nice then don’t talk to the angry people. Set a good example. Watch others be inspired by that example. I promise, you will be thanked for it.


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