Preview of Charm School for Men

THE PREHEAT

I’ve noticed that men and women have been having a hard time getting along. There have been theories about our different interests, different styles of communication, different priorities, etc. being the cause. I feel there’s some truth in all of this. But one thing I haven’t seen widely discussed is that the reasons for men and women even being together has changed radically in the past 50 years.

In dealing with intimate relationships between men and women, I think it’s good to acknowledge that some old-fashioned and out-of-date viewpoints may still be affecting us.

Tip: Some old-fashioned and out-of –date view points may still be affecting us.

In the old days, marriages were about survival and utility. It was about perpetuating the species, i.e. a certain race, a certain religion. It was about keeping the farm running, chopping wood, making soap. Most people in the old days found themselves shoved into a marriage with someone whom they had NOTHING in common and in some cases someone who they had never met. With this in mind, no wonder men and women turned outside their relationships for friendship. Your friends were people you actually had something in common with. You could talk to them about what you were thinking, and you knew they were going to understand you. Your friends shared the same interests and held similar values and priorities. These days, things are different and people want something more. They want a best friend, a confidant, a date, a partner in crime, an opinion, a new perspective, inspiration. That’s a far cry from the way relationships started out. In modern relationships, being together for the sake of procreation is no longer a given. It seems like on this new playing-field that men and women don’t need each other for any of the same reasons they used to. In modern relationships, men and women are together more for the sake of companionship and as an enhancement to each other’s life rather than the old survival issues. There is also more freedom of choice in modern dating. There isn’t the same pressure to date someone of your same race, religion, socio economic background or same age. Being unconsciously influenced by out of date dating beliefs isn’t going to stop you from meeting a woman but it will most likely create an obstacle to meeting a woman you’ll be happy with in the long run.

Please just sit with this concept for a moment. Turn it around, think about it. Put it in the bank. Ask yourself “am I being influenced or affected by some beliefs that don’t really apply in today’s world”? It’s a question that will lead you to examine some of your primary and foundational beliefs. Are you selecting partners based on things you have in common? Are you looking for a peer? Do you choose partners who have a comparable intelligence level and similar interests? Or do you gravitate toward partners who uphold traditional gender roles of keeping a house, nurturing, and predictability. Please understand there is nothing in the world that’s wrong with any of these things. Today, people are needing more than traditional stability and survival needs. People need others who can ALSO provide empathy, a deep appreciation of who you are and solid friendship.

Thinking about this question is going to be a very important start in helping you relate to women in a more balanced, clear, and rewarding way.